dead

what can i say?
however far you run,
life gets a hold of you
and brings you back
once more
face to face with your nightmares
your destiny
everyone is different
everyone's the same
loving circles,
of words and arms
stifling close
brittle euphoria
liquor spiced
whichever gods u choose
whichever feet you find
to kneel at
will melt in pools of weak clay
and soft sweet sickly sympathy
is all ur destined to feel
there are
no gods to worship
or maybe
the pedestals too rocky
and high
the world shifts
and re adjusts
around u
in a circle of laughing dwarfs
who only want to hide
crouching low, small shallow minds
firm resolve
not to look outside
their games, groups and tribes
poke clumsy fingers
wounds of agony
inexpertly bandaged
waiting for time to bring
enough scar tissue
to hide
and seal
on word
u casually speak
that means so much
such a big deal
unuttered for 442 days
is carelessly laughed away
bcz i know ur dead
for the world, anyway
i open hands
i crack them on stone
it comes out
all ur stuff
and i dont want it anymore
i want it to evaporate
go up in smoke
like u
chase after
bcz i know ur there
somewhere