Thank You for believing in me when I fell so low
Thank You for nudging me when I can't shut up
Thank You for trusting when I did not deserve trust
Thank You for holding me when I couldn't hold up
Thank You for seeing me for who I could be, not who I was
Thank You for understanding me when my logic was flawed
Thank You for staying patient when I had no patience left
Thank You for loving me when I felt unlovable
Thank You for supporting me when ill advised
Thank You for joining me in raising our little boy
Thank You for being the wonderfully unique woman that you are
This lifes journey is only worth taking with you by my side.
In all the world I Love You Alone.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
At Howell
pomegranite
At Howell in the morning I wrote a song. I gathered a tune. The sky of trees with quiet breeze left birds alive and audible. Squirrels making little sound gave evidence and testified to daylight. Quick and chaotic buzzes behind the lines and rising from the lawn. A gaping yawn in the music pouring again, each note is lost in so many.The rest or silence can only break inside my thoughts, words, lyrics...And then it never really stops. Just slow or fast, loud or soft. Easy to recognize or hard to get yet always, always like a lime blosson or mosquito wings, grabbed up at a point to manage, slipping to cycle a new bloom. Each perfection linked to another.
So this chain rattling, this fauna chattering and making myriad patterns. I choose a song, a rhythm and a way to sing along. I bring my beat and ability to repeat to where the backyard meets the clouds. All of us and even them are calling out our names. This serious arrangement is laughter and sobs. Back from or going to our jobs but really, the names are not complete. We all, with sound, in sighting us, relieve the nonsense with a rush of awe.
That day...nice.
JM 5-27-06
At Howell in the morning I wrote a song. I gathered a tune. The sky of trees with quiet breeze left birds alive and audible. Squirrels making little sound gave evidence and testified to daylight. Quick and chaotic buzzes behind the lines and rising from the lawn. A gaping yawn in the music pouring again, each note is lost in so many.The rest or silence can only break inside my thoughts, words, lyrics...And then it never really stops. Just slow or fast, loud or soft. Easy to recognize or hard to get yet always, always like a lime blosson or mosquito wings, grabbed up at a point to manage, slipping to cycle a new bloom. Each perfection linked to another.
So this chain rattling, this fauna chattering and making myriad patterns. I choose a song, a rhythm and a way to sing along. I bring my beat and ability to repeat to where the backyard meets the clouds. All of us and even them are calling out our names. This serious arrangement is laughter and sobs. Back from or going to our jobs but really, the names are not complete. We all, with sound, in sighting us, relieve the nonsense with a rush of awe.
That day...nice.
JM 5-27-06
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
Blunted
"I have seen fear. I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder.."
(James Blunt- "Cry")
Fear : that there will be no shoulder tomorrow
Faith: that there will be
Anger: you don't need a shoulder
Will talking about the confusion help?
Easier to run than sit. Harder to cry than fit.
Feel it smooth and bony. Run your palms over the flesh and bone and caress the skin with your fingertips till it tingles. Rest your forehead on it and feast your pink lips on its fairness. Now clutch it with your teeth, wet it with your tears and don't let go till it gets comfortable with the contours of your teeth.
Its darker now, a tad more bitter and taut with energy.
Pleasing to the eye and the tongue.
And now that you've warmed it long enough, leave it be,
for another day, another time... another love.
Whats the big deal about a shoulder anyway!
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder.."
(James Blunt- "Cry")
Fear : that there will be no shoulder tomorrow
Faith: that there will be
Anger: you don't need a shoulder
Will talking about the confusion help?
Easier to run than sit. Harder to cry than fit.
Feel it smooth and bony. Run your palms over the flesh and bone and caress the skin with your fingertips till it tingles. Rest your forehead on it and feast your pink lips on its fairness. Now clutch it with your teeth, wet it with your tears and don't let go till it gets comfortable with the contours of your teeth.
Its darker now, a tad more bitter and taut with energy.
Pleasing to the eye and the tongue.
And now that you've warmed it long enough, leave it be,
for another day, another time... another love.
Whats the big deal about a shoulder anyway!
Friday, May 12, 2006
candle
a golden light glows amber nectar,
colour floods the walls with weeping shades,
a single shadow dances like the pantomime of kage-e.
words by cocaine jesus
for those who suffer with bouts of insomnia please refer to Ritual Acts With Penguins
Friday, May 05, 2006
The Sands of Hell (Part Four)
SCENE 10: EXT. HOUSE IN UK.
ESTABLISHING SHOT OF TERENCE AND DANIELLA-JAYNE’S VERY EXPENSIVE MOCK-TUDOR HOME ON EXCLUSIVE ESTATE IN SURREY. IT IS SNOWING. A ROBIN PERCHES ON BRANCH.
CUT TO:
SCENE 11. INT. DRAWING ROOM.
TERENCE AND DANIELLA EACH SIT AT ONE END OF A VERY LARGE, PALE PINK, MOCK-LEATHER SOFA. DANIELLA IS READING. SHE AFFECTS SURPRISE THAT THE CAMERA IS THERE. SHE PLACES BOOK CAREFULLY BY HER SIDE. ON HER ARM OF THE SOFA IS BALANCED A HUGE BOX OF CHOCOLATES.
DURING THE INTERVIEW TERRY TAKES THE OPPORTUNITY TO CAMCORD THE CREW – BOB AND WILMOT. A FEW OF THESE SHOTS CAN BE CUT INTO THE REGULAR FOOTAGE. THE TIME AND DATE IN CORNER – THE LITTLE PANELS THAT LINE UP THE SHOT ETC. ARE ALL IN VIEW AND IT’S ON THE WONK.
DANIELLA:
Oh… sorry. Donna Tartt. Such a talented novelist. And a very private person.
TERRY:
Hi. I’m Terence. This is Daniella.
DANIELLA:
It’s such a shame about her name. Terry’s more keen on factual books, aren’t you dear? (PAUSE) We are so looking forward to this trip. We got wind of it from our friend Bobby. He’s a producer for Radio 5. Very highly thought of. Very innovative. He said it was us to a T.
By the way, it’s actually Daniella-Jayne.
TERRY:
Not just factual books. I like adventure novels, too. Good writers, though. Early Ludlum. Follett.. They…
DANIELLA:
(INTERRUPTS) And the fabulous thing is – Terence is going to film it. Aren’t you, Terence?
TERRY:
Yes. I’ve got a…
DANIELLA:
(INTERRUPTS) Terence has always fancied himself as a bit of a film maker. He did our Gloria’s wedding. So when his firm offered him a fantastic retirement package I bought him the absolute latest camera thing.
TERRY:
It’s brilliant. It’s 14 bit DXP. It’s got a resolution of 520 horizontal lines. Hologram AF. Bluetooth connectivity. And Infrared. It can film at night. You see, normally a camera filters out infra-red because…
DANIELLA:
(INTERRUPTS) That’s enough for now, dear.
TERRY:
And it only weighs 520 grams.
DIRECTOR:
(O.O.V.) How do you feel about crossing one of the world’s most hostile places?
DANIELLA:
Well, I can do some reading… and, um … top up my tan.
CUT TO:
SCENE 12. INT. DANIELLA’S BEDROOM
A LARGE OSTENTATIOUS ROOM. ONE WALL IS MADE UP OF SLIDING MIRRORED DOORS. WE CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THE DIRECTOR, BOB THE CAMERAMAN AND WILMOT, THE SOUND ENGINEER, IN MIRROR. DANIELLA SLIDES DOOR BACK TO REVEAL RACKFULS OF CLOTHES.
SHE PULLS OUT A PARTICULARLY SHOWY DRESS AND HOLDS IT UP. IT’S OBVIOUSLY DESIGNED FOR SOMEONE SLIMMER THAN SHE.
DANIELLA:
Guess who designed this?
DIR:
(O.O.V.) Who was it?
DANIELLA:
Guess.
DIR:
I don’t know.
DANIELLA:
You must know. It’s really obvious.
DIR:
(PAUSE)
DANIELLA:
I’ll give you a clue. (SINGS) Yesterday. All my troubles seemed so far away…
DIR:
Paul McCartney?
DANIELLA:
Silly. (SHE HOLDS DRESS OUT TO CAMERA) Heather Mills of course. Paul McCartney’s daughter.
(SHE SELECTS SEVERAL DRESSES IN DESERT CAMOUFLAGE COLOURS. HOLDS THEM OUT TO CAMERA.)
What do you think?
DIR:
I think she’s he’s wife.
DANIELLA:
(NOT LISTENING) (HOLDS DRESS AGAINST HER) That’ll look rather good in the desert, don’t you think? It’ll show off my tan.
CUT TO:
SCENE 13. EXT. DESERT.
THE GROUP ARE TRYING ON THEIR BACK PACKS.
CDT:
(TO GROUP) Supplies. Vital if we are to be successful in our mission to cross The Sands of Hell. We will each be carrying around 1000 kilograms of supplies. And our tents, of course. The Titan 3 from Mountain Hardcore. It’s a great little tent. Very sturdy. Very useful. With 200 kilometres of barren desert to cross we’ll need a reliable tent.
PAN TO:
BEV AND RON.
RON IS FIDDLING WITH BEV’S OXYGEN TROLLEY.
RON:
(TO CAMERA) See. What we’ve done is to convert Bev’s oxygen trolley to carry her pack. Brilliant, eh?
PAN TO:
FRED, JUNE AND LIAM THE DOG. JUNE HAS HER BACK PACK ON BUT FRED IS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS. IT’S TOO HEAVY.
DIR:
(O.O.V) You brought the dog, then?
JUNE:
(TO CAMERA) Of course we did. We couldn’t leave him behind could we? Who knows what those nasty men would have done with him.
DIR:
Nasty men?
FRED:
I expect June means the removal men.
JUNE:
Liam loves it already. (TO DOG) Don’t you boy? Yes you do. You do. Yes you do. (TO CAMERA) He’ll love it here. Going for walks in the desert.
DIR:
Rather a long walk, though, isn’t it? 200 kilometres.
JUNE:
He’ll love it.
DIR:
Was it difficult? All the paperwork you must have had to do. The permits and so on. To bring the dog?
JUNE:
No. Well, we…er… didn’t really need…um…
(SHE LOOKS TO FRED FOR HELP)
FRED:
A mate of mine organised the… er… forms.
JUNE:
(TO DOG) And Liam didn’t like the nasty medicine, did he? No he didn’t. And did lickle Liam have to have a long bye byes? Did he? He did. He’s a good boy. Yes he is. (TO CAMERA) He loves having his tummy tickled.
FRED:
It’s no good. I can’t get this on. It’s too heavy.
HE TIPS BACK PACK UP AND FIFTEEN OR SO TINS OF DOG FOOD FALL OUT ON TO GROUND.
JUNE:
(TO DIRECTOR BEHIND CAMERA) Couldn’t they go in the Winnibago? You know, in the van?
PAN TO:
DANIELLA AND TERENCE. TERENCE HAS HIS PACK ON. DANIELLA IS REGARDING HERS QUIZZICALLY. SHE STILL HAS EQUIPMENT TO PACK WHICH IS LITTERED AROUND HER.
DANIELLA:
It’s the water. I can’t fit it in. I’ll have to leave it behind.
TERRY:
Let’s have a look.
HE PUTS HIS HAND IN BACK PACK AND PULLS OUT LOTS OF CHOCOLATE BARS.
Yeuck. Oh dear. It’s melting. Disgusting…
PAN TO:
ZEPH AND JIZZ. ZEPH HAS HIS BACK PACK ON BUT HE LOOKS VERY UNSTEADY. WE CAN SEE THE REASON. HIS ELECTRIC GUITAR AND AMPLIFIER ARE PERCHED ON TOP. HE WOBBLES AS THOUGH HE IS ABOUT TO FALL OVER.
ZOOM OUT: TO REVEAL BOTH FRED AND ZEPH STRUGGLING UNDER THE WEIGHT - AND BETWEEN THEM CAPTAIN DICK TROY.
CDT IS HAVING TROUBLE GETTING HIS BACK PACK ON BECAUSE ONE HAND IS HEAVILY BANDAGED. HE SWINGS THE PACK ROUND AND THE MOMENTUM SENDS HIM SPRAWLING BACKWARDS.
CDT:
Fuck!
DIR:
(O.O.V) That’ll be good in the outtakes.
BOB THE CAMERAMAN:
(O.O.V.) We could send it to that programme on Sky. They pay £200 for cock-ups.
DIR:
(O.O.V.) Okay. Cut.
ESTABLISHING SHOT OF TERENCE AND DANIELLA-JAYNE’S VERY EXPENSIVE MOCK-TUDOR HOME ON EXCLUSIVE ESTATE IN SURREY. IT IS SNOWING. A ROBIN PERCHES ON BRANCH.
CUT TO:
SCENE 11. INT. DRAWING ROOM.
TERENCE AND DANIELLA EACH SIT AT ONE END OF A VERY LARGE, PALE PINK, MOCK-LEATHER SOFA. DANIELLA IS READING. SHE AFFECTS SURPRISE THAT THE CAMERA IS THERE. SHE PLACES BOOK CAREFULLY BY HER SIDE. ON HER ARM OF THE SOFA IS BALANCED A HUGE BOX OF CHOCOLATES.
DURING THE INTERVIEW TERRY TAKES THE OPPORTUNITY TO CAMCORD THE CREW – BOB AND WILMOT. A FEW OF THESE SHOTS CAN BE CUT INTO THE REGULAR FOOTAGE. THE TIME AND DATE IN CORNER – THE LITTLE PANELS THAT LINE UP THE SHOT ETC. ARE ALL IN VIEW AND IT’S ON THE WONK.
DANIELLA:
Oh… sorry. Donna Tartt. Such a talented novelist. And a very private person.
TERRY:
Hi. I’m Terence. This is Daniella.
DANIELLA:
It’s such a shame about her name. Terry’s more keen on factual books, aren’t you dear? (PAUSE) We are so looking forward to this trip. We got wind of it from our friend Bobby. He’s a producer for Radio 5. Very highly thought of. Very innovative. He said it was us to a T.
By the way, it’s actually Daniella-Jayne.
TERRY:
Not just factual books. I like adventure novels, too. Good writers, though. Early Ludlum. Follett.. They…
DANIELLA:
(INTERRUPTS) And the fabulous thing is – Terence is going to film it. Aren’t you, Terence?
TERRY:
Yes. I’ve got a…
DANIELLA:
(INTERRUPTS) Terence has always fancied himself as a bit of a film maker. He did our Gloria’s wedding. So when his firm offered him a fantastic retirement package I bought him the absolute latest camera thing.
TERRY:
It’s brilliant. It’s 14 bit DXP. It’s got a resolution of 520 horizontal lines. Hologram AF. Bluetooth connectivity. And Infrared. It can film at night. You see, normally a camera filters out infra-red because…
DANIELLA:
(INTERRUPTS) That’s enough for now, dear.
TERRY:
And it only weighs 520 grams.
DIRECTOR:
(O.O.V.) How do you feel about crossing one of the world’s most hostile places?
DANIELLA:
Well, I can do some reading… and, um … top up my tan.
CUT TO:
SCENE 12. INT. DANIELLA’S BEDROOM
A LARGE OSTENTATIOUS ROOM. ONE WALL IS MADE UP OF SLIDING MIRRORED DOORS. WE CATCH A GLIMPSE OF THE DIRECTOR, BOB THE CAMERAMAN AND WILMOT, THE SOUND ENGINEER, IN MIRROR. DANIELLA SLIDES DOOR BACK TO REVEAL RACKFULS OF CLOTHES.
SHE PULLS OUT A PARTICULARLY SHOWY DRESS AND HOLDS IT UP. IT’S OBVIOUSLY DESIGNED FOR SOMEONE SLIMMER THAN SHE.
DANIELLA:
Guess who designed this?
DIR:
(O.O.V.) Who was it?
DANIELLA:
Guess.
DIR:
I don’t know.
DANIELLA:
You must know. It’s really obvious.
DIR:
(PAUSE)
DANIELLA:
I’ll give you a clue. (SINGS) Yesterday. All my troubles seemed so far away…
DIR:
Paul McCartney?
DANIELLA:
Silly. (SHE HOLDS DRESS OUT TO CAMERA) Heather Mills of course. Paul McCartney’s daughter.
(SHE SELECTS SEVERAL DRESSES IN DESERT CAMOUFLAGE COLOURS. HOLDS THEM OUT TO CAMERA.)
What do you think?
DIR:
I think she’s he’s wife.
DANIELLA:
(NOT LISTENING) (HOLDS DRESS AGAINST HER) That’ll look rather good in the desert, don’t you think? It’ll show off my tan.
CUT TO:
SCENE 13. EXT. DESERT.
THE GROUP ARE TRYING ON THEIR BACK PACKS.
CDT:
(TO GROUP) Supplies. Vital if we are to be successful in our mission to cross The Sands of Hell. We will each be carrying around 1000 kilograms of supplies. And our tents, of course. The Titan 3 from Mountain Hardcore. It’s a great little tent. Very sturdy. Very useful. With 200 kilometres of barren desert to cross we’ll need a reliable tent.
PAN TO:
BEV AND RON.
RON IS FIDDLING WITH BEV’S OXYGEN TROLLEY.
RON:
(TO CAMERA) See. What we’ve done is to convert Bev’s oxygen trolley to carry her pack. Brilliant, eh?
PAN TO:
FRED, JUNE AND LIAM THE DOG. JUNE HAS HER BACK PACK ON BUT FRED IS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS. IT’S TOO HEAVY.
DIR:
(O.O.V) You brought the dog, then?
JUNE:
(TO CAMERA) Of course we did. We couldn’t leave him behind could we? Who knows what those nasty men would have done with him.
DIR:
Nasty men?
FRED:
I expect June means the removal men.
JUNE:
Liam loves it already. (TO DOG) Don’t you boy? Yes you do. You do. Yes you do. (TO CAMERA) He’ll love it here. Going for walks in the desert.
DIR:
Rather a long walk, though, isn’t it? 200 kilometres.
JUNE:
He’ll love it.
DIR:
Was it difficult? All the paperwork you must have had to do. The permits and so on. To bring the dog?
JUNE:
No. Well, we…er… didn’t really need…um…
(SHE LOOKS TO FRED FOR HELP)
FRED:
A mate of mine organised the… er… forms.
JUNE:
(TO DOG) And Liam didn’t like the nasty medicine, did he? No he didn’t. And did lickle Liam have to have a long bye byes? Did he? He did. He’s a good boy. Yes he is. (TO CAMERA) He loves having his tummy tickled.
FRED:
It’s no good. I can’t get this on. It’s too heavy.
HE TIPS BACK PACK UP AND FIFTEEN OR SO TINS OF DOG FOOD FALL OUT ON TO GROUND.
JUNE:
(TO DIRECTOR BEHIND CAMERA) Couldn’t they go in the Winnibago? You know, in the van?
PAN TO:
DANIELLA AND TERENCE. TERENCE HAS HIS PACK ON. DANIELLA IS REGARDING HERS QUIZZICALLY. SHE STILL HAS EQUIPMENT TO PACK WHICH IS LITTERED AROUND HER.
DANIELLA:
It’s the water. I can’t fit it in. I’ll have to leave it behind.
TERRY:
Let’s have a look.
HE PUTS HIS HAND IN BACK PACK AND PULLS OUT LOTS OF CHOCOLATE BARS.
Yeuck. Oh dear. It’s melting. Disgusting…
PAN TO:
ZEPH AND JIZZ. ZEPH HAS HIS BACK PACK ON BUT HE LOOKS VERY UNSTEADY. WE CAN SEE THE REASON. HIS ELECTRIC GUITAR AND AMPLIFIER ARE PERCHED ON TOP. HE WOBBLES AS THOUGH HE IS ABOUT TO FALL OVER.
ZOOM OUT: TO REVEAL BOTH FRED AND ZEPH STRUGGLING UNDER THE WEIGHT - AND BETWEEN THEM CAPTAIN DICK TROY.
CDT IS HAVING TROUBLE GETTING HIS BACK PACK ON BECAUSE ONE HAND IS HEAVILY BANDAGED. HE SWINGS THE PACK ROUND AND THE MOMENTUM SENDS HIM SPRAWLING BACKWARDS.
CDT:
Fuck!
DIR:
(O.O.V) That’ll be good in the outtakes.
BOB THE CAMERAMAN:
(O.O.V.) We could send it to that programme on Sky. They pay £200 for cock-ups.
DIR:
(O.O.V.) Okay. Cut.
Grandmother Betty
in this time of single dances
make sure you take all your chances
love the living but remember the dead
for in their footfall we all tread.
and when you see the raven fly
upon dark wings in a black sky
keep that star in your bright eye
Betty Virleen rides on high.
words by cocaine jesus
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
bloodlessness
Jesus loves blood.
You know it
I know it
Only he doesn't.
So we give him some, everyday.
Pure thick and fresh.
You hate blood.
Jesus knows it.
So he gives you some,
and gives you more.
No,not his own
but from all those,
Who gave him theirs.
This is not the flood
that Noah knew
Do unto others
as they do unto you...
Jesus does.
You know it
I know it
Only he doesn't.
So we give him some, everyday.
Pure thick and fresh.
You hate blood.
Jesus knows it.
So he gives you some,
and gives you more.
No,not his own
but from all those,
Who gave him theirs.
This is not the flood
that Noah knew
Do unto others
as they do unto you...
Jesus does.
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